Yep….I said it *in my Rick James voice* My hair is super-FLEEKY!!
So, I’ve been on this natural journey for quite some time now. I most certainly haven’t done it all, but I’ve tried bunches of products, styling tools, and natural styles both protective and trendy (except a wash ‘n go *sideeye*). I’ve enjoyed my journey…
Well, most of the time.
To be honest, I believe I got hung up on the same situation I have before in my relaxed days… not embracing my hair.
I know you’re like, “whaaaattt?? Whatchu mean??!?”
Yeah, on this journey, I’ve embraced myself overall and it has been an amazing experience. My natural hair has helped me love myself the way God created me and in that, I’ve learned to embrace all of me as well. But I found myself a little uninspired, bored, and downright irritated with my hair…again. I had become so accustomed to taking care of my hair so it would be long and “flourishy” and thick and glorious that I forgot to keep having an adventure.
Maybe it is because of the way I was raised… that long hair equals beautiful, bountiful, amazingness. And I, along with the other women in my family, are blessed with naturally thick hair that grows. It has never been a struggle to have my hair down my back relaxed or not. For that I am truly thankful.
However, I feel that recently I’ve had a revelation, an awakening so to speak, of my own behavior.
Was I still in this mindset that my hair *has* to be long in order for it to be beautiful? Had I allowed myself to corner off and hide behind bunning and protective styles? I mean, really, what was I protecting? See, my journey to natural life was because of this very thing…I used to hide behind micro braids and weaves because I didn’t like my hair. It grew long and lush but I hated it because it wouldn’t stay like the lady on the relaxer box! I would have that Beyonce-wind-blowing-Dark&Lovely-on-the-cover-girl moment for about a week. And then it would go right back to being, what I called at the time, “puffy.” So I always kept my hair up and away…for every, single, moment…even the big ones like my college graduation, debutante ball…my wedding!!! In 2010, I was sick of it all and I wanted a change. So, I cut off the relaxer and decided to embrace my hair “as is.” And it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Fast forward to July 2016 and guess what? I was right back into that box, that corner, that prison. For what? I hated my hair again. I couldn’t stand wash day and I didn’t try new styles because I had my signature bun and curly ponytail. But inside, I was overit.com!! I wanted to cut it all off again. But I also wanted to understand why/how I found myself in that place again. After self-reflection and long discussions with hubz, I figured it out.
I was still, in some unconscious way, equating my beauty to the length of my hair.
That is not what makes me beautiful.
So, I cut it.
And I love it.
And I am free again.
This thing is not just about hair, it is so much more. I thought I embraced myself fully, but I guess I’ll keep learning this lesson over and over again. I’m fine with that. It’s what makes this adventure interesting. For now, watch we WHIP, because my hair IS super-FLEEKY!
The truth is…I AM super-FLEEKY!
You are as well, so #embraceYOU.
Have you found yourself in a similar situation? How are you embracing yourself? Are you enjoying your natural journey? I’d love to hear from you!