I have found myself in a daze recently in light of everything going on (well that has never stopped happening) in our nation. In times like these, I find myself grieving, feeling unmotivated & weighted down. I often cope by writing how I am feeling, talking with someone I trust and praying. I shared two posts on my various social media platforms and I wanted to share them here as well.
My heart is so broken. It’s hard every time.
Every. Single. Time.
The justification of the murder.
The blame on the victim.
The dehumanizing of the victim.
The fact that the victim is not seen as a victim–only a villian.
The punishment not fitting the crime.
The arguments from both sides.
How it’s ignored by some.
Actually ignored by many.
The pain of those who remain.
The destruction of a family–of many families–of a community already hurting.
The media positioning and framing.
Seeing the true colors of those who “love me,” “love black people,” “are not racists” but refuse to see/acknowledge the ENTIRE picture…the reality of prejudice …the sheer injustice.
The INHUMANITY of it all.
The finality of death.
I can only pray now. Pray to keep my heart unhardened. Pray not to be bitter. Pray divine protection over myself, my family, my husband, my future children. Pray for mercy–salvation, justice . Pray for the many families affected by these tragedies every day. Pray for our community that may be scarred, but still survive–still stand.
With a broken heart, I choose hope. I choose joy. I choose thankfulness because despite it all, God is still good, sovereign and for me and not against me, even if man is.
I chose to post this particular picture because I see a PERSON, A HUMAN WORTHY OF LIFE, A FATHER, HUSBAND, CHILD OF GOD. Check your heart if you can’t see that much. #altonsterling #faithlife #faithoverfear #mznaturallifesays
It’s taken me all week long to even gather my thoughts on everything happening right now. The main thing plaguing me is that people just don’t want to acknowledge this epidemic- this sickening yet widely accepted tragedy- this structured system of belief. Some want quiet, to pretend that it’s an illusion -a figment of imaginations because they have 1 or 2 friends of a different color, attend a multiracial church, live in a multiracial community. The truth is, our experience of prejudice, hatred, & injustice is NOT an illusion & unless you wake up everyday black, you just probably don’t get it–maybe by choice, or simply because it’s just not your reality.
“But Cannie, Jesus is the answer & that’s what you need to be focused on.” This is true-I love Jesus, live my life by His Word & example & YES He is the answer. But how can we can discuss the solution without acknowledging the problem? See the Jesus I know acknowledged His distress, injustice against others & as He corrected His flock. If you’re sick, you FIRST acknowledge that there’s a problem, THEN you name it, pray & walk in faith believing for your healing. Simple concept right? No, not in our society because we don’t operate in truth. Don’t just tell me to pray & make blanket statements that “everybody matters.” I know that, but it doesnt negate the fact that I’m hurting. Every life matters- YES- but don’t use that to cover injustice & ignore my reality. When someone dies in your family, would you want the world to say, “somebody dies every day” or would you want them to empathize & help you through it even if they’re not experiencing it? Think about that. Don’t act like my experience is an illusion.
So yes, I’m going to focus on the solution & earnestly pray. No, I’m not giving up on hope & faith. See, my daddy is 66 years old & no matter what comes, he always finds a way to be thankful for his life. He doesn’t ever seem to lose hope & I aspire to be that way. I am thankful for his example, the way he raised me not to be bitter & to give everybody a fair chance. If he can endure, still be thankful, still love God & still stand, I can too in faith, in love, in hope. #blacklivesmatter #checkyourheart